Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Bank of America Kills Debit Fee; Gears Up For Another Bailout

All your money are belong to us.
First, the good news.

Bank of America's new debit card fee is dead. The $5 monthly fee for utilizing your BoA debit card raised the ire of consumers, who signed petitions, cut up cards, and generally shit all over disliked the idea. Some Occupy Wall Street protesters even used it as a prime example of the greed of banking institutions. President Obama also got a jab in, saying the idea was "not good business practice."

Embarrassed officials shut the book on this humiliating chapter on Tuesday.

“We have listened to our customers very closely over the last few weeks and recognize their concern with our proposed debit usage fee,” stated David Darnell, co-chief operating officer (whatever the fuck that is) at Bank of America. “Our customers’ voices are most important to us. As a result, we are not currently charging the fee and will not be moving forward with any additional plans to do so.”

Now, the bad news.

The desperate maneuver may not be enough to quell consumer anger. After all, BoA hasn't finished fucking with your money yet!

You see, the bank has moved $75 trillion dollars in toxic assets to an FDIC insured account. What does that mean, you wonder?

According to Noel Brinkerhoff of "By doing so, BofA has positioned the FDIC to be the fall guy if the derivatives shift causes the subsidiary to fail, which would then require the federal agency to step in and save the day. The situation is disturbingly similar to that the one that led to the financial crisis just three years ago."

Of course, when if the FDIC has to step in the money will come from the taxpayers. To conclude, whether you bank with this corrupt gang of assholes company or not, you'll probably be funding yet another BoA bailout with your taxes.

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DISCLAIMER: These are my personal opinions, that's all. I'm a bit of an idiot and more than a bit of an asshole, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt (or a fifth of vodka.) If anything I say offends you, go fuck yourself.